Top 10 worst dressed musical acts of all time

I like clothes, clothes are good. They keep you warm, make you look cool, and most importantly, allow you to fit in with the majority of the human race. But if the main function of clothes is to make you fit in, why do some people do the opposite, and wear attire to blatantly shock people and segregate themselves? Well in the music world it tends to get you more attention, which tends to boost your record sales, which tends to give you a property portfolio in Monaco. Well sometimes it works out like that. But anyway this week I'm going to count down the top 10 worst dressed musical acts of all time, be they consistent fashion negligence, being caught up in an era fashion forgot, or just getting it wrong on a single performance which will haunt them forever.

10) Red Hot Chili Peppers (Light bulb costumes at 1994 Woodstock)

When lead singer Anthony Kiedis said to the Chili's "Hey guys, lets wear these costumes", their response should have been "I'm not wearing a huge fucking light bulb on my head you dick, I won't be able to see the instrument i'm playing, my head will be hotter than a volcano's arse, and most importantly I'll just look like a twat with a huge bulb on my head. But they didn't. And ended up looking like that ^.

9) Mumford And Sons

I know I've slagged these boys off before. I know they're an easy target. Maybe I should just leave them alone. You know, just give them a chance. Actually no they should fuck off. What with their antiquated business name, the millions they've made from their rubbish music, and the ridiculous faux folk costumes they've come up with.

8) Tokio Hotel

If your dream is to see a tribute act for the super group consisting of a male Nicole Scherzinger, a member of The Cult, a tubby Eminem, and a white Lil Wayne, then go and see this German pop group. Thats if you don't mind their blatant and unashamed desperation to appeal to as many teenagers as possible by dressing their members in a poorly constructed diverse range of styles. Their music is also schrecklich.

7) John Deacon (Queen Bassist)

He was never the focal point of Queen, nor did he want to be, but his choice of clothing was so atrocious it was difficult to ignore, especially when he wore shorts so small his balls would often dangle in and out like a loose yo yo. It frequently put the audience in an awkward position; the people on the stage are supposed to be cooler than you, yet he was up there with his Leo Sayer barnet wearing clothes that Cliff Richard wouldn't even wear when he's playing tennis.

6) Manowar

I don't know where to start. Obviously they don't dress like this all the time, but what on earth would make 4 adult men who must have some degree of rationality and reason, pose for this photo??! It looks like 4 men about to take part in a mythical porn movie, washed down afterwards with a 1930's style weight lifting session.

5) Peter Gabriel

When he wanted to, Peter Gabriel could look pretty cool, what with his cavorting with Kate Bush and Sinead O' Connor in his arms whilst wearing a suave pinstripe suit, at times he looked like a dapper blue eyed eighties pop icon lothario. But instead most of the time he chose to dress up like a huge flower, a gothic roman solder, a huge testicle called 'The slipperman', or just wear a triangular box on his head and call himself 'Magog'. No he didn't look cool in any of them. On the plus side at least he provided material for Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy. Or maybe not as it was terrible. BRING BACK THE MIGHTY BOOSH!

4) Lady Gaga

No I won't put her as number one. You know why? Because that is exactly what she would want. Ok, maybe not to be number one of some nobody's blog that she's never going to read, but rather to be recognised eternally as a pioneering Queen of Pop who creates incredibly innovative fashion ideas like a modern female equivalent of David Bowie. I just see a woman with limited musical talent being told by record executives that the only way she would ever stay in the public eye is to keep wearing stupider and stupider outfits just so she stays in the headlines.

3) Goat

These guys look absolutely terrifying. Whats not shown in picture is the two members in gimp masks. If you woke up in a room with these guys, you'd have to seriously question your morals; as it would appear likely that you would have just taken part in an intensive 1600's style hyper-orgy. Check your head, as you may have just got with Henry VIII. 

2) Lordi

Oh lordy look at the state of these lot. The Finnish 2006 Eurovision winners look like they've wandered off from a cheap ghost train, crossing the China sized grey area of looking good and just looking fucking creepy.  Other bands such as Gwar enjoy wearing similar weird ass costumes. Each to their own I guess, but I see less appeal in their choice of look than I do with the style of comedy used in Two and a Half Men.

1) Kanye West (Leather skirt at Hurrican Sandy performance 2012)

Few men can pull off skirts. In the past bands have used wearing skirts as a shock jock tactic, showing they don't give a fuck so much, that they will even wear cross-gender clothing just to show off their apparent lack of concern to conforming to the Western ideal of what to and what not to wear. So if that is the case, even fewer can pull of a leather skirt. One man bravely tried it though. And, according to Kanye, he is the voice of a generation, so he can try what ever he bloody wants. Except he can't because he looked like a huge nob. Despite the performance being for a good cause, Kanye was so embarrassed by the gargantuan hilarity the public found in him attempting to wearing a cow hide skirt, he tried to ban photos of it from the internet. But if he's such an innovative genius, he should know once somethings on the internet, its likely to be there forever.